So, this week it's my birthday, and it's a big one, and I've decided to celebrate by seeing Ted Leo at the starlight ballroom. It just seems appropriate. I will be receiving drinks at the bar. . . meet me there! Scotch and ginger please!

Next Saturday, my friend K and I will be selling our crafty crafts through the Traveling Wares show -- basically a half-ass organized craft collective that lets you sell your stuff in bars around the city. On Saturday (December 3rd) it will be at my overpriced neighborhood tap, the Royal Tavern from 12-6. Get crafty for Christmas!

And speaking of cushy positions, how about the ex-President of my alma mater, American University? He misappropriated funds for his fancy lifestyle and the board of trustees are acting like they owe him a favor. Yeah, thanks for that crappy logo, asswipe!

The following quote is from an e-mail I received from the Vice Chair of AU's Board of Trustees: "Dr. Ladner released the university from any and all claims arising under his contract. The university agreed to pay a one-time settlement payment of $950,000. From the gross amount, the university will also deduct withholding taxes on the additional imputed income of $398,000 being reported for Dr. Ladner for the years 2002-2005 and $125,000 in reimbursable personal expenses due the university for the same period, as determined by the Board of Trustees’ Audit Committee and accepted by the board . . . Dr. Ladner has agreed to vacate the president’s house in 90 days and the university has agreed to reimburse him for relocation expenses actually incurred by him up to a maximum of $20,000."

So basically they are letting him off the hook, and the reasoning behind it has to do with fuzzy language in his contract. In order to avoid having Ladner sue AU over contract breach they offered him a sweet deal. So because his contract didn't explicitly state that he really shouldn't pay for his wife's travel expenses, install a fancy waterfall in his off-campus house or throw lavish parties on the unveristy dime, it's okay.

It's a shame really, because I really loved my time at AU. And I've actually donated money to the library in the 8 or so years since I've graduated. Well, guess what? Never again. Sorry AU, you've just lost any pending donations from me.

Instead of learning in a structured classroom, we created "projects". One kid who wanted to be an architect had to draft his own plans for a house. I remember him crying and throwing a t-square. Two other classmates researched the conspiracy theory around the JFK shooting and wrote a paper about it. My project was to create a literary magazine which I called bookworms. I collected poetry and stories from students K-8, and edited them into a small volume, complete with a canary yellow cover and a line drawing of a worm wearing glasses and reading his very own copy of bookworms. Hello, geek club founder and president. The kingdom of dorks had let me in and weren't letting go. Ten years later I would revalidate my membership by getting a masters in library science.

We stayed with our friend Helen who just bought a kick-ass condo in Logan Square. She is the one to whom the quote above is attributed. She brought us to the Charleston, a bar that has a taxidermied goat that looks just like a standard poodle. In my state on Friday night, I could only grab Reech and point.

It is my opinion that the closest thing to a real live monster you could own is a standard poodle. Aah! They are so gigantic it's like they are from outer space. And smart, just like monsters. You think Big Foot never got caught just because he's big? Oh no, he's genius. He'd have to be with his size. Just like the poodle. Oh yes.

We wandered around Cape Town, visited Robben Island, where Mandela was imprisoned for 25 (out of 27) years. I touched the bars of his cell and tried to channel the kind of patience that must come from being imprisoned. We saw this great drum band play and ate ostrich and alligator at Mama Afrika. We even lamented sailors of yore down at the Cape of Good Hope in Cape Point. Everything was so beautiful!

After hanging alone in Cape Town, we met our tour group Drifters for what became known as the winky-puff tour (and at times between the 7 peeps on our truck, the white South African tour) of the country. In short, a lot of pretty scenery, but somewhat lacking in the cultural aspects.

That said, we all had a wonderful time. Our group consisted of 2 Irish couples, a hot Norwegian doctor, and me and the B. Drinking was definitely on the menu at all stops. We would braai (a fancy Afrikaans word for BBQ) almost every night and hang out around the camp fire. Accomodations ranged from wooden cabins to mud huts, and no I'm not kidding. Because it's winter there, the mud huts were the best insulated and most comfortable to sleep in. I love sleeping in a bag by the way. So cozy!

We went quad biking in Knysna with a very cute and absentminded guide who almost drove our van off a cliff. He thought it was more polite to turn around and talk to us than pay attention to the road. Eek! We also took a boat tour of the harbor in Knysna and rode these huge waves.

Then we went to Bloukrans Bridge in Tsitsikamma Park for our major adrenaline adventure -- the world's highest bungee jump. Not something I've ever really been into, but I did it. And it was amazing. 216 meters works out to roughly 700 feet, which is a pretty intense freefall. And the bounce-backs were pretty incredible too -- like 3 bungees in one. I jumped into this canyon over a teeny little river that fed into the ocean. So imagine hanging upside down, hundreds of feet in the air, surrouded by mountains, with the ocean fanning out from the valley in front of you. Nifty stuff. We also got to take the "flying fox" (a cable pulley that glides you over the canyon) to the bungee bridge. Very Amazing Race.

And I haven't even gotten to the animals yet . . . my favorite part was definitely Addo Elephant Park. Guess what we saw there? Uh-huh. And baby elephants! Plus zebras, warthogs, kudu, springbok (delicous to eat as well), ostrich, buffalo and monkeys. We spent the whole day in our truck leaning out the window and searching the brush for animals. So there is a lot more to tell but I need to rest my eyes. Since being back, I've been getting up and to work between 8 and 8:30, which is unprecedented for me, and making me sleepier much earlier. So I bid adieu; more stories next time!

I'm very excited because our trip to South Africa is practically set. Did you know that SA is almost twice the size of Texas? Wowser. I love the CIAWorld Factbook. Anyway, I bought sleeping bags yesterday because for part of our journey we're on a tour that has us staying in huts! The tour actually calls them "comfortable bungalows" but I prefer the exclamated "huts". It sounds much more rustic. Last night B and I tried out our new sleepsacks in bed. I've never gone camping before so the idea of sleeping in a bag is still pretty novel. It's also pretty steamy -- mine wound up on the floor because I overheated in the night and couldn't get the "temperature gauge foot" out in time to cool myself down. Oh well. Too much talk about the heat? Here is a commercial for a refreshing beverage instead.

Also check out Grocery Store Wars because Chew Broccoli is so damn cute!

Because the election put liberals in a toilet bowl, and because someone from John Kerry's campaign(office?) calls every week, I thought I should see where I stand now that my vote has been counted. What are you on the political spectrum of today's collegiates? Apparently I am a Traditional Liberal. The question I found fishy with this test is the one that states, "I am concerned about the moral direction of the country". Yes, I am concerned that too many people are too freaking conservative under the guise of morality. But it seems that agreeing with this question puts you in the more conservative bucket. So I just changed it to "strongly disagree" which now makes me a Secular Centrist. Go figure.

And because I promised, here is a list of my recent karaoke endeavors on Sunday nights at the the beloved Locust Bar. . . sucking at karaoke is one thing I'm really good at.
1. Summer in the City, Lovin' Spoonful. I sang this because it reminded me of our super and cute student assistant at U of C and how much fun we would have looking up inane trivia, including the lyrics to this song.
2. West End Girls, Pet Shop Boys. The west end town is a dead end world, boys.
3. Theme from Golden Girls. When the bar sang along, I thanked them.
4. Girl You Know It's True, Milli Vanilli. A large portion of this song is rapping and that is really hard.
5. I'm Alright (from Caddyshack), Kenny Loggins. This song could have really used the sprinkler sound effect that is in the movie.
6. She Blinded Me With Science, Thomas Dolby. . . science! Ha ha ha! Fortunately for you, this is all I can remember.

After some lengthy phone calls, a few tears and B calling the manager a dickhead (I couldn't believe it either), we ended up not staying at that hotel. The manager actually said that he'd have us arrested if we stepped foot on his property. Oh Canada! So we got a really nice room with a view of Horseshoe Falls from the Radisson instead.

If you'd like to call the manager of the Fallsview Inn a nasty name on our behalf, go for it. I would recommend never ever staying there. Otherwise, for fans of places like Seaside Heights and the Wisconsin Dells, ie. lovers of super cheesy tourist traps, go to Niagara NOW.

2. Chicago! This was a weekend trip that changed lives. We went with two friends, and got a killer deal from Travelocity. I highly recommend their last minute deals because we got airfare and 3 nights at the W Hotel for $270. No kidding. Plus the W let us borrow their wheelchair for my friend K who threw her back out two days before the trip. Throw in a late night Bittersweet party, me getting sentimental walking around our old neighborhood, drinks at the top o' the Cock and morning muffins with my friend peebles and things couldn't be finer.

More soon . . . like B's graduation! And the tale of the whistling scooter! And a list of my karaoke songs! All in good time, good good time.

The B graduates from law school -- no kidding. Three years on one salary have gone by much quicker than I anticipated. We're having a toga party to celebrate so let me know if you want to pop over -- May 21st, south Philly holla. And to celebrate the graduation/lawyerization of el B, we're travelin' to South Africa . . . years of accumulating air miles (80,000 of them) on United has resulted in getting a free flight to Cape Town, and we're going this summer.

Other than that, I went to a baby shower yesterday and got bowled over by extreme cuteness and many pregnant ladies. I am the sole wife of B's friends who is not and has never been laden with child. So sitting around a table talking about breast pumps for 4 hours was not an ideal Sunday afternoon -- hence the scotch later on. At one point, a wife turned to me and said, "well things are exciting for you too -- your husband graduates soon!" And I know she meant well but it made me feel inadequate for not wanting the same things as the suburban moms do. Oh well.